The insane month of travel, the night before

I leave tomorrow morning for Peru, and I'm going to try to update this while I'm down there to let people know what I'm up to, although I'm unsure about how much computer access I'll have while there. At the very least, I'll be able to post some photos upon my return for people to look at (people who don't have facebook accounts I mean, of course).

I just got back last night for my grandmother's funeral, which took place in the teeny little town of Cresson, Pa, where my mom grew up. It was strange traveling there this time. I think because of her death everything took on a whole new meaning... the past and the present seemed to bump heads more than ever. I can't even to begin to imagine how it was for my mom and her siblings - to return to the town where they were born and raised for their mother's funeral...

Death is so strange. There's really no better way to describe it. Yes, it's sad for those who leave and those who are left behind, but mostly, it's just really weird. I mean, one minute you're here, the next you're ... gone? Somewhere else? Nothing? It's so bizarre, and when you're confronted with it, it can make you really confused. I know, I'm being so philosophical (right) - but so many people have commented on death that there really isn't much to add, other than the thought that it's just reeeeeaaalllyyy weird. I mean, I guess if you believe in the whole heaven/hell spiel it makes it easier to think about, although this funeral called that theory into question, because I was subjected to the rites of Catholic funerals for the first time in my life, and I can't say that it was the most comforting or uplifting tradition I've ever experienced. At all. In fact, I can't really imagine anything much more depressing than a Catholic funeral.

Anyway, I read a poem at the funeral, which I really love and think might be the best description of death and what it means that I've personally ever heard. It's not religious, but it does have spiritual aspects to it... and really touches on a beautiful idea, one that's in complete opposition to the Nihilistic way I looked at life and death when I was younger. When we die, we become the complete opposite of nothing - we become everything. We become part of the earth, the flowers, the trees, the wind that blows...everything.

Here it is, for those who are interested:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I do not die.

Anyway, I'm off tomorrow to Peru. Updates soon, I hope.

xoxo